Evolution Puts Barbers Out Of Business

It happened without warning.One morning, the world woke up... hairless.

Heads were smooth. Arms bare. Not a follicle in sight.

The first to notice were the barbers.

By 8 a.m., the phones had stopped ringing. 

By 9, every appointment was cancelled. 

By noon, they were standing in their empty shops, holding scissors like relics. 

Confused. 

Silent. 

Useless.

In the days that followed, the barbering world unraveled.

There were emergency meetings. 

Online forums flooded with disbelief. 

A protest in Berlin, modest in turnout but loud in spirit, featured hand-lettered signs that read: “Bring Back the Bangs” and “We Deserve Roots.”

The International Association of Barbers convened an emergency summit. The agenda:

1. Determine the cause.

2. Find alternatives.

3. Stay calm.

Panic brewed. 

Some tried to adapt. 

The more entrepreneurial barbers shifted to pet grooming, though cats, it turned out, don’t sit still for fades. 

A few reinvented themselves as scalp aestheticians, offering high-gloss polishes and minimalist tattoo consultations.

Others weren't so lucky. 

A famous stylist from Milan opened a wig boutique with no inventory and cried on live TV. 

In Tokyo, a precision barber began offering “phantom cuts”, silent appointments where nothing happened. 

Some clients, out of pity or nostalgia, booked them anyway.

Hair product companies collapsed. 

Hairbrushes went unsold. 

Shampoo sat untouched on shelves, gathering dust and irrelevance.

But the strangest effect wasn’t economic. 

It was cultural.

People felt exposed. 

As if something primal had been taken. 

Identity, it turned out, had always been partially made of strands: the swoop of a fringe, the drama of a buzzcut, the defiance of a dye job. 

Now, smooth and identical, the world was suddenly less expressive, quieter. 

Almost eerily so.

And the barbers, those keepers of style, stewards of self-presentation, were left to mourn a species that no longer needed them.

Some held out hope.They kept their chairs dusted.Their clippers charged.Just in case.

But most knew the truth.

Hair wasn’t coming back.

Evolution had spoken, with a single, decisive snip.